They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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