I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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