Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cockslap morals
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
