Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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