We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
