how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
