life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
