I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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