I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
