So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
