the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
