so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
