No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
