the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
