i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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