That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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