wakey wakey hands off snakey
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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