um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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