I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
