So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
