I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
