let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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