So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
