I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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