At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
