Dude my mom stole all your condoms
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
