i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize