Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
