...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
