just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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