Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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