the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
