dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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