My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
