I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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