you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
