Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
