I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
