At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
