you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
