I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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