Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
