I faked an abortion last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
