Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
