Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
