so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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