mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
