If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
