All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
soo... how was my night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
