you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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