So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Welp...herpes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
