Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
