I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
