is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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